Lens of Compassion
A group of seventh graders once told us about a student in their class. They described him as someone who was everywhere. He bounced from friend group to friend group, always trying to insert himself into conversations. One student said, “He is nosey.” Another added, “He is annoying.” Others admitted that everyone rolls their eyes when he walks over. They talked about how they label him as goofy and weird.
When we asked why they thought he acted this way, the answers came quickly. “Because he is annoying.” “Because he is weird.” But when we invited them to pause and lean into curiosity instead of judgment, something shifted. One brave student said quietly, “Maybe he is just trying to be included. Maybe he is trying to make friends.” The room changed in that moment.
At POAC, we teach students a simple truth. No human being wakes up wanting to be talked about in a negative or embarrassing way. Researcher Brené Brown reminds us that the two emotions people work the hardest to avoid are shame and embarrassment. No one seeks those feelings. No one wants to be the target of whispers, laughter, or eye rolls.
One girl added, “I try to talk to him sometimes, but he does not really pay attention to me. It is like he ignores me.” When I asked her why she thought he might do that, she shrugged. After a pause, she said, “Maybe he does not believe I really want to get to know him.”
That is the heartbeat of this work.
When students shift from labeling to understanding, when they stop asking what is wrong with him and start asking what he might be feeling, they begin to see differently. They begin to lead differently. They begin to choose compassion.
Because the truth is this. No one wants to be the student everyone talks about. Every student wants what we all want. To belong. To be accepted. To feel seen and valued. When kids learn to look through that lens, they do not just change one student’s story. They change the culture.
That is the power of empathy in action. That is the heart of POAC.
A Lens of Compassion in Action
Too often, moments like these are brushed aside with the phrase “kids will be kids.” But doing so minimizes real emotional harm and misses opportunities for growth. A lens of compassion asks us to pause, notice, and intervene not to punish, but to teach.
When a student has the courage to share an experience like this, or when any of us witnesses it unfolding, we are being handed a powerful teaching moment. With the right tools, language, and support, students can learn to recognize the impact of their words and actions, grow in empathy, and understand the role they play in shaping emotional safety and belonging.
Tools and Strategies for Educators, Students, and Parents
These responses come directly from the POAC framework and the document you shared.
Educators
“Let us pause first and consider what you think that student might actually be needing right now.”
“What would it feel like if this was being said about you?”
“Let us check in with him privately instead of talking about him publicly.”
“How can we be solution focused instead of blame focused?”
“Let us shift from judgment to curiosity.”
Students
“Let us not talk about him like that. We do not really know his story.”
“He is probably just trying to make friends.”
“Maybe he just does not trust people yet.”
“You do not have to like everyone but you do have to be kind.”
“I will sit by him today.”
Parents
“When you hear kids being called weird or annoying, that is a moment to teach empathy.”
“Everyone wants to belong even if they do not show it well.”
“Being kind to one person can change their entire day.”
“If you see exclusion, you can be the one who interrupts it.”
“How would you feel if this was happening to you?”
The POAC Three Step Process
Think about the 90 percent
Be curious, not furious
Ask questions
Questions like:
“What makes you think that?”
“Have you ever thought about this possibility?”
“How do you think that comment might make someone feel?”
