The Girl in Black

At first glance, she looked like she did not care about anything.

She was a sophomore who wore all black.

Black jeans.
Black hoodie.
Black lipstick.

She kept her headphones in and her answers short. Her facial expression rarely changed. If you did not know better, you might assume she was angry at the world or that she simply did not want to be there. Some students whispered that she was mean while others ignored her or stayed away.

But what many people did not know was that the girl in black was not trying to push people away. She was trying to protect herself.

During one of our recent POAC sessions, students were asked to fill out a sticky note sharing something they wished people knew about them but likely did not. It is one of the most powerful strategies we use because it gives students a safe, quiet way to say the things they may not feel comfortable saying out loud.

Later she shared a little more of her story.

In middle school, she had been bullied for how she looked and for who she tried to be friends with.

The comments. The whispers. The exclusion.

It added up. Over time she learned something that many kids in pain learn far too well. It feels safer to pretend you do not care.

Her sticky note read:

"I act like I don't care what people think, but I do. It's hard not having any friends here."

By the time she got to high school, she had perfected the art of staying small.

She sat alone at lunch.
She avoided eye contact.
She kept her guard up.

Because if you never let people in, they cannot hurt you again.

This is exactly why the strategies used in POAC matter.

One of the core ideas we teach students is something we call Learn the 90 Percent. We remind them that most of what someone is going through is invisible. What we see, the attitude, the clothes, the silence, the sarcasm, is often just the tip of the iceberg.

Underneath is the 90 percent we do not see.
Pain. Fear. Loneliness. Past experiences.

When students begin to understand this, something powerful happens.

They pause before judging.
They become more curious.
More compassionate.
More willing to create space for others.

For students like the girl in black, our sessions also create something they often do not experience in school.
A structured way to communicate their truth.

Through this reflective activity, along with small group discussions and guided conversations, students practice putting words to feelings they have kept buried. They learn how to express themselves respectfully, listen to others, and realize they are not the only ones carrying invisible stories.

For many of them, it is the first time someone has truly asked and listened.

The girl in black may still wear black tomorrow.
She may still sit quietly.

But now her voice has been heard.
And when students realize that their thoughts matter, that their feelings are valid, that they can speak their truth without being mocked or dismissed, something begins to shift.

Walls start to lower.
Trust within themselves and others begins to grow.

Because every student, no matter how tough they look on the outside, deserves to feel seen, heard, and valued.